of an escort
- The following article I write, only as my opinion and my experiences,
not to say that every other SP feels in any way, shape or form,
the same way as I do. I am not meaning to shove my values or opinions
down anyone's throat.
worked for almost a decade at different periods in my life. I have
worked in agencies, on the street and independently. I have been
on opposites sides of the fence. What I mean by that is, there was
a time when I was very cold and uncaring towards my clients and
now I am the opposite. This article is about my personal feelings
towards the business, the emotional and mental affect of the business
on myself as a SP and the thoughts that I harbored in my heart.
I believe that these things affected my services to such a great
deal that it would be beneficial to share them.
a girl works on the street, at least during the time that I was
working outside, there are certain rules that you follow. Respect
is everything and your survival depended upon it. A girl who allowed
a man to dine at the Y was considered a 'nasty ho'. As you
know, clients will go from girl to girl over time. If any girl did
allow the things that were considered nasty, the other girls were
sure to find out about it. How was it dealt with once the other
girls knew? The 'nasty ho' was kicked off the stroll, beaten, and
her money was taken from her. Needless to say, we were careful about
what we did.
went on, I became emotionless. Between worrying about bad dates,
coming out of the date alive, the cops, the girls and the pimps,
life on the street was living on the edge. But this is not why I
was cold. I was cold for many factors, one of them being because
I ended up in the business for a lot longer than I had initially
planned. Another of them was that I was involved with someone who
had no problem spending all of the money that I had made. I had
nothing to show for all the money I had made. In turn, I began to
resent my clients. The more clients that I would see, the more lonely
I became. The person who claimed to love me had no problem with
my work as long as the money was coming in. Young and stupid, yes.
At the end of the evening, when my lover attempted to make love
to me, I was dry. I felt like a piece of meat. You take a shower,
wash your skin till you bleed and let the tears wash away with your
pride. You sleep by day, pound the pavement by night. When you go
out into public, when people look at you, you wonder, 'do they know
what I am'?
You go home in the early mornings when others are waking and leading
a normal life. You are sore, questioning your self worth, trying
only to think of sleep. You walk in the door to your beautiful home,
take off your clothes and sit naked on the bed counting your earnings
for the evening. As the twenties and hundred dollar bills pass through
your fingers, you think of what you did for each hundred. You wash,
then sleep. Tomorrow comes and you begin a new night.
You stand on the corner waiting, half naked. It is cold out, but
you don't feel it because you keep your feet moving from side to
side. A car pulls up in front of you. You look inside and think
to yourself, 'is he a cop' and 'is this guy going to hurt me'? You
get in the car to drive around the block while you talk of prices.
On one hand, the guy wants to know that he is going to get a good
service for what he is spending, but on the other hand he discusses
your services as though he is buying a piece of furniture. You agree
on a price, go the hotel room. Once inside, finances are dealt with.
As you are removing your clothing, the guy says, 'I had better get
my moneys worth' or 'I want this, this, and that' like he has now
bought ownership over you. This is what goes through my mind, even
though logically, he has every right to expect these things for
what he is paying.
When I worked outside, I would not allow many things and I had many
rules. No kissing, no petting, and no touching the condom once it
is on. These are only a few of the rules. In fact, I didn't even
take off all of my clothes. I always made sure that some of my clothing
was on my body and the rest of it was very close to me in order
to run if the date turned bad. During the sexual act, I listened
to the guy telling me 'you are so beautiful' or 'damn you are tight'
for example. His comments were on my services. He would drive me
back down town and again, I stand and wait. When your regular comes
to pick you up he tells you, 'I missed you and I had wet dreams
about you last night so I had to come and see you'. You think in
your mind, 'good for you'. You feel like you are on an assembly
line. All they want is to fuck you. You are nothing to them but
a piece of meat. They don't give a shit about you, don't fool yourself.
He didn't miss you, he missed your body!
How did I get this way? Time. Bad dates. The way that I was treated.
Fear. Many factors. The most prominent factor was feeling like an
object. Some of it is caused from personal relationships while working.
Once every three months, I would break down. I would cry for a few
hours until I couldn't open my eyes anymore. Then I would be fine
for a while again. For over a year after I quit, when I would pass
a man in a shopping mall and he would smile at me only out of politeness,
my stomach would turn. The smile meant, he wants to have sex with
me. That's it, that's all. I hated everyone. I hated the world and
I blamed everyone for how I felt.
It was a few years later that I found that my worst enemy was myself.
Unfortunately, most women are brought up to believe that if you
like sex, you are a slut. This is a psychological thing that takes
time to get over. On the street or in an agency, anywhere there
is other girls in fact, they would never admit to having a nice
time with a client because you worry too much about the judgment
of your peers. You worry too much about what you have been taught
over the years. Is it bad for me to enjoy my work or to enjoy the
touch of a stranger? Does that make me a bad person?
I grew up. I left my long relationship and found out that the relationship
did more damage to me that the job itself. I found out who I am
all over again. What I like and dislike. How I like to be touched
and how it is okay that it feels nice. I didn't care anymore what
anyone else thought, as long as I felt okay with it. After eight
years, I returned to the business once again. I was nervous, yes.
Being single made it a lot more acceptable. The affection was nice.
I was now treated as I had treated the person that I was with at
that time. I came back into the business working for an agency.
I found that they take such a high percentage that you feel like
you have a pimp, only in a nice suit hiding behind a business license.
Some of the calls that I went on, the agency ended up with more
money than I did and I did the work! It made me angry. I felt the
anger coming on once again and the coldness was beginning to appear.
I noticed it on the last call that I did for the agency. The guy
had not even opened the door yet and I hated him already. He was
a nice guy, played for the NHL. He was in town for a game. I was
in his room for the agency, not for myself. In between taking a
chunk of the money I was making, the agency also made it a habit
to try to accuse girls of not paying their fee's. They did the same
to me. I had enough. I never worked another day for them. I left
a credit behind that they owed me of almost $200. I didn't want
it or any part of them anymore. I went independent.
So as you can see, the affects on a SP are many. I don't feel the
same way anymore. Now I enjoy the company of my clients even though
by my own choice, I don't see many. I don't feel the coldness or
anger anymore. Of course, I am in an entirely different scenario,
I am independent and in doors now. A lot less stress to deal with.
The fact of the loneliness is still there. Clients come for an hour,
you feel comfortable, they leave, you are once again alone. You
go to sleep alone, wake up alone. Ever heard the saying, 'colder
than a whore's heart'? That is the meaning behind it all. Why do
I continue escorting? Well, because I am single, very sexual and
I enjoy the company. How does money play into it? It is my play
money. I work a few other jobs, I don't live off of escorting nor
am I dependent on it. I also discovered that when I had on going
goals in other area's in my life, it created a feeling of success
within myself, which dilutes the analyzation of my own actions.
In the past, I would see clients who would ask me to do things I
am entirely uncomfortable with such as major fetishes, etc. Now,
I only do what I am comfortable with. I am very honest and straight
forward about this and this may be the sole reason why I have regulars.
Either way, make no mistake about it; being an SP takes psychological
endurance more than physical strength.
feelings of an escort '
on the streets'
...by Work in Progress
this job has affected me'
Feelings of a John'
.. by John Smith
of the Toronto Escort Scene'
(A Clients View)
... by Oagre
.. by David Jones
To Satisfy A Woman'
... by Robhood
Perplexing Sex Questions'
... by Glamour
I'm Giving Up the Hobby'
... by Julie Fantiny
... by Arnie